Learning About Myself

Today’s prompt comes from Made Out of Stars by Meeta Lee Patel. I found it at Five Below of all places, along with another of Patel’s guided journals and decided why not? Unlike yesterday’s prompt, they’re not dated or very specific, which should give these daily entries a bit more variety.

What are you learning about yourself now? What did you learn about yourself a year ago? What do you hope to learn about yourself a year from now?

As I stare down another Florida legislative session filled with transphobic bills, I’m learning just how strong I need to be to survive being trans in the US. For the past year, I’ve held out hope that I could stay in Florida and find ways to thrive despite all the oppression. Now HB 1233 has all but guaranteed that won’t happen. I’m now seriously considering a move out of Florida. The if now feels like when.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not strong. I’ve survived the initial bathroom bill and found ways to thrive so far. Maybe I still can, but the text of the bill will make Florida a nightmare for people like me. This one’s built different. I am too, but some threats are too big to handle alone.

That’s something I learned over the past year as well. At this time last year, Lindsey and I were adjusting to life in a rebuilt but unfinished house. It would take a while to get back to normal, but we did it. And that’s how I see the future too. Whether that’s in Florida somehow or in a new home near Chicago, we’ll find a way. We always do.

My word of the year is Consistency, but I may need to revise that to Resilience. No matter what happens, I’m going to thrive. I’m determined to. I’ve spent too long allowing myself to be beaten down by life. No more.