Nothing Is Stopping You From Transitioning

A few days ago, an online friend put out a call for advice on transitioning. She framed the question around the idea that her wife wasn’t supportive and that fully transitioning meant she’d end up broke and homeless. As someone who has been broke, homeless, and divorced that upset me a bit.

I see this excuse a lot online. “I can’t transition because…” and then a litany of reasons come out, almost always revolving around losing everything. Guess what? That’s the cost of reinventing yourself.

Yeah, I’m ripping the bandaid off here. Transition can cost you EVERYTHING. It is the hardest thing you’re ever going to do. It’s going to hurt like hell. But it’s also going to save your life and make it worth living. If you’re not prepared to pay the cost, transition may not be for you.

Before you come at me about privilege, let’s share a bit of my story…

I’ve transitioned twice. There’s a whole different video about that coming soon, but my first transition resulted in my divorce, a year of supervised custody of my daughter after not seeing her for two full months, and having to crash at my then VERY disappointed parents’ house. That was my second brush with homelessness. I’ve been there. My life blew up because I came out. I hadn’t even STARTED transitioning and everything was in shambles. Did I mention my wife had previously said she supported me and “loved me no matter what?”

Now imagine my fears after having detransitioned, started dating again, and eventually getting married again. The more I stuffed my transness down, the more it fought to get out. My new wife and I had talked about my past experiences and she made it clear she didn’t sign up for transitioning. How was I supposed to deal with THAT?!

When I couldn’t take it anymore, I sat her down and told her how I felt. I was prepared to lose everything. Again. But I knew I wouldn’t make it another year as him. Turns out she did too. And she let me know we were in this together. And now we’re in lesbians together.

I’m now approaching three years on HRT. I’m happier than ever, even with having to flee Florida for my safety. My relationship with my wife is stronger because I transitioned. She’s blossomed as a result, with my transformation pushing her to better herself. The benefits FAR outweigh the costs.

So if you’re still sitting there saying “I can’t transition because…” I’m here to say you’re wrong. You’re dead wrong. You can. State laws prevent you from getting HRT easily? There are ways around that. There’s an entire online community around it. You can and will find a way. If you’re willing.

You have to be willing.

I’ll concede one exception: if you’re a minor and living with parents where your physical safety is at risk, that’s valid. You’ll be free eventually. Until then, find your ways to be yourself, whether that’s online or in little secret ways. The community will be here to support you when you’re safe, and at times can even help you escape when the time comes.

If that’s not you, guess what? The only thing stopping you from transitioning is you. Why are you holding yourself back?